My New Reality…My New Norm…

Today, March 27th, 2011…rainy day and a day to welcome more pondering than usual.

The phrase “My New Reality” was introduced into my life six months after Ron had gone to Heaven, in a book called Resilience by Elizabeth Edwards.  There she was talking about the different situations in her life, ie., having lost a son, having cancer, very publicly known infidelity by her husband, etc., etc.  I was going through at that moment a situation bigger than myself.  Losing both my husband and my closest sister one month after the other.  At first I was on automated pilot, just surviving and taking care of all the details you have to take care after your spouse dies, and then dealing with the absence of these two dearest to me persons.  It was overwhelming.  So the title of the book appealed to me because I needed to be resilient, I thought.  This phrase, “My New Reality” stood out as I was reading the book, and it has been part of my life ever since, especially when I have a tendency to feel sorry for myself.

The other one…”My New Norm” I have heard and read about it for a while now, but it wasn’t until this morning, reading about the golfer Phil Mickelson’s challenges in his personal life that the phrase stood out more prominently than ever.

We human beings have an issue with accepting life’s challenges and situations with a lot of resistance, when the issues and situations are not what we call “the way things should be” according to us.  I am including myself in the bunch.  It is an eternal struggle.

But then…I stop to see or think about my blessings.  While I was getting ready to go out in the soft rain to take the first photo shown above, I brushed against one of the plants that was given to me for Ron’s Memorial Service, two years ago.  And there it was!  A beautiful flower!  I think it is called jack-in-the-pulpit.  Isn’t it gorgeous! 

I have to make sure that I notice that even within my “New Norm” or “New Reality” there are new and beautiful blessings all around me.  Not only the challenges and disappointments.  Look around just a bit, and I am sure you will definitely find “New Beauty or Goodness” all around you.  Look at my beautiful flower.

I have determined that if I only focus on the problems or challenges, that’s all I will see around me.  So why don’t I adopt a new phrase “If it is to be, it is up to me.”   Probably you may be thinking, how does that relates when you find out that you have an incredible challenge, ie., family, financial, or illness. Well, the challenge’s still going to be there, but that doesn’t stop other goodness from showing up,  or thinking about the possibilities that may be on the horizon of our lives..  You can find another word or phrase that may work better for you.  Misery is not my favorite cup of soup.  Come to think of it, when I say “My new reality, or my new norm” it does not leave a joyful note in my mind.  It sounds very heavy.  It is not being on denial, I just don’t like the image it leaves in my mind.

Life’s short, let’s make it happy and pretty.  Where do you think the “Happy Contessa” idea came from?  My happy mind, of course.  Let me make it clear, my mind is not happy 100% of the time.  Most of the time.

So it was today, a beautiful soft rainy day in my neighborhood.

Your Happy Contessa

“A friend is a present which you give yourself.”  Robert Louis Stevenson…I am going to adopt “If it is to be, it is up to me” phrase as my new-found-friend.