Monthly Archives: January 2014

Jeggins Warning Advice…

 

This morning's 32...view from the right eye...

Note:  By my mistake I deleted the original photo for this posting, so here’s another picture to substitute.

If you have had your happy drink, like tequila, margarita, martini, or whatever, please do not attempt to take off your tall, high heel tight boots, and then your jeggings (2 sizes smaller) without a big break in between.  You may end up breaking your face.

Let me explain.  Recently, I had my two-sizes-too-small-jeggings on, and my tight tall boots, because I didn’t want to look hot, I wanted to look smoking hot.  I can imagine myself leaving a trail of smoke.  What an incredible sight.  🙂  I am laughing my heart out as I am typing, but it is true.

Not too much time left to wear this kind of outfit, you know, without looking somewhat ridiculous, or getting really hurt trying to put them on or taking them off.  Maybe I already look somewhat not so hot,  but so what, it is my body and they are my jeggins.  As Raylene would say, tick, tock, tick, tock, and the darn clock is ticking faster and faster every second of my life.  Meaning to say that in a few years, or maybe next week, I won’t be able to wear the cutest things I do wear now.

Well…One day last week, I came back home from a walkabout looking smoking hot, at least I thought so,  and then without thinking too much started the process of taking off the boots.  That was one for the books.  And I did not have any alcohol in my system.  Thinking about it, maybe a shot of tequila would have made the whole process easier.  Maybe taking a pair of scissors and cutting the jeggings off would have been easier too.

After the boots are off, I started with the jeggings.  I could see that the seams left an impression on my skin, that’s how tight this thing was.  The jeggings refused to go down, so here I am forcing them down, and trying to do one leg at the time, what was I thinking?  There was no space to insert any maneuver of any kind.  This thing was not going down.  That’s when I stood up and tried to walk to see if by being up, the process would be easier.  Really?  I almost fell on my face.  That would have been hard to explain to the ambulance people who would have found me in such a precarious situation and position, and a bloody face.

After about 1/2 hour of deep breathing and meditating to keep my heart rate slow, I was able to be released from such a chamber of torture.  Am I wearing this pair of jeggings again?  You bet!

At least an older woman, like in her late eighties, told me I looked sharp.  Lukewarm compliment, but after the process, I took it very gracefully.

So, my dear co-seasoned compatriots, do not wear extremely tight jeggings and tall boots, and drink at the same time.  You may end up without a face.  I almost did and I only had water.

One more day in my ever eventful life.

Happy Contessa

“There is a fountain of youth:  it is in your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love.  When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”  Sophia Loren, Italian actress.  20 September, 1934 -.

Twenty-First Century version of the Fairy Tale Princess and her Prince Charming…

DSCN5351

Looking at myself again.  Sorry, but I am cleaning my Pictures File and found this one too good not to be shared.  This picture was taken January, 2013…I bet I have aged around ten years or more since then.  Why?  I don’t have the foggiest idea.  I just think so.  Too bad this high-end store did not sell tiaras.  The sales lady brought shoes with the red sole trying to play big time to my ego.  Maybe she thought she was going to meet her monthly quota with me.  Ha!

Every woman has a secret dream that one day, just for one day, you will look and feel like a princess.  I didn’t have that opportunity until the day this picture was taken.  I was looking for a dress to be the best-looking-ever-mother of the bride.  Did I wear this dress to the wedding?  No…it was not meant to be.  It was my daughter’s day, not mine.

Maybe one day I can dress like a princess again and dance until midnight, when then the dress, the prince, the tiara, the Toyota Highlander (Richard and Raylene’s because they have a later model), and the shoes all will disappear.  Wait, there will be one shoe left behind, because how in the world is prince charming going to find me?  Shoot, I didn’t think about that one.  So many millions of women and only one prince charming.  Logistics, logistics.  Already I have a broken heart.  Do you think this prince is on Facebook?  Is he a friend of a friend so then I can send the word out?  Hope so, otherwise I am in deep you know what.

Oh dear, if the shoes, dress and everything will disappear, I hope there is a rag around to cover myself.  Need to put “rag” on the to do list.

This prince needs to know that there is a woman in rags that is looking for him and the shoe.  This raggedy woman has the perfect flat foot that will fit perfectly in that stiletto.  Yes, she is short, well, sort of, so she had to wear stilettos to the ball.

This is going very well…and feeling really happy.  So there’s a way this Mr. Wonderful, wait…I have to put him into some demographics group and be very specific about qualifications and looks.  Now, this just got a bit complicated.  I don’t even have an idea how “he” is supposed to look.  Come to think about it…what happens if I am not his type?  The plot thickens.

More complications.  Just thought about this…I need to have the other shoe, so I can prove to this wonderful-prince-to be that I am the stunning looking Medicare babe he danced with at the Bingo Hall.  Too late to re-arrange this out of control story.  So many things to think about and my brain is already in overload because of the crises created by my new “the beast” computer.

Maybe is all better to just show you the picture and stay just as I am.  Dreaming about my prince charming.  But, you know already what type of personality I have.   AAA, so let’s go back to the drawing board…next time.  I need to define this Mr. Make-Me-Happy-Forever- guy.  Yeah…right!  Mission Impossible.

Oh, one more thing, frogs need not apply.  Don’t have the time and energy to go through the tedious process.  Need all the energy to find that guy, I mean, the prince and the stiletto shoe.  Hope all of you froggies will understand.

I am totally drained.

Your Happy Contessa

“Kindness is really important for me in finding my own prince – so are patience and a sense of humor.  Without those qualities, he’s no Prince Charming.”  Anne Hathaway, American actress.  12 November, 1982 -.

Tired of looking at myself…

My ever refreshing salad...

My ever refreshing salad…

Note:  This is not the original picture of the posting.  By mistake I deleted the other one.  This one will have to do.  Sorry

Got very tired of looking at myself every time I turned on my computers, old and new. Yes, I have a new computer that is making my hair grow grayer by the second.  Need to buy two bottles of hair color instead of one.  More on this much later on.  Feel very tempted sometimes to just evaporate so I don’t have to deal with my new “the beast” computer.

Needed a new picture to change scenery, so while I was cleaning my pictures file I came across this so-tempting-salad that looks almost exactly to the one that I have every day.  Instead of cantaloupe, right now I am using pears and apples.  Taste is ever delicious.  I am such a creature of habit.  The above picture was my lunch  August 11, 2011.

Quinoa and black beans, and oh, yes, plantain and olive oil (lots of it) for breakfast.  Dinner is quinoa and black beans to which I add, sometimes, wild Alaskan salmon with tomato paste and onions and olives.  Yum yum.  Of course, a little of XVOO.

As you can tell, the muses are still in the Florida Keys, and I am just mumbling words to fill space.  This is so bad, that even myself, I find it hard to tolerate this posting.  But life is short.  Take it as it comes.  I am taking it with all the good, bad and not so bad stuff that comes with it.

Well…168 words as of now.  Good enough.  Hopefully this will motivate me to search for a new team of muses.  Anyone has any idea where I can find a supply of willing, with a good sense of humor and good attitude-muses at a good price?  By being cheap, I do not mean to get mediocre quality in return.  Get it?

At 278 words, I must now continue cleaning my pictures file…so I must wave the goodbye flag until next time.  I do appreciate all of you putting up with me and my sense of confusion at this moment.

Happy Contessa

“The feeling of my smallness and my nothingness always kept me good company.”  Pope John XXIII, head of the Catholic Church from 1958 to 1963.  25 November 1881-3 June 1963.

New Year’s treasure findings…

DSCN6706

Found this little essay I made October 2011 when I attended a Writer’s Workshop, as always, trying to improve my talents to please all of you even more.

The essay was titled “Me” and was, let me see how I can put it, was listened to by two English Professors, one from a highly rated as a top private small college of the south by U.S. News and World Report.  After I finished reading my masterpiece, he clapped, surprising the other lady professor from a community college.  I was shocked! The next lady doing her reading said that she was not sure she could measure up to mine.  What! I was elated beyond description.

We were supposed to describe a moment and include details so others could picture themselves as being there with me.  Here it goes.

“It is bright, sun filtering through the windows looking at my lush green outside garden.  Sitting on my sofa with a quilt over it for comfortable texture.  Computer on my lap, ugly-looking glasses on my face showing that I am making an attempt to produce an intelligent piece of work for my blog.

There is my favorite drink next to me, a glass of water and I am wearing socks because I am always cold, even though I am wearing shorts and a sleeveless shirt.

No makeup, hair all over the place and my eyesight staring at the wall.

There is a slight smile on my face because I am thinking… something gotta give, need to write something or else.”

Had to share.  Of course, the picture is a selfie taken a few minutes ago, while the heat is on and I am freezing in my apartment.  Glass of water is in the kitchen, because I couldn’t find a table to put it next to the chair.  But hopefully you catch the drift.

Well…another day of 2014 drifting by…

Your Happy Contessa

“There is nothing to writing.  All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”  Ernest Hemingway, American writer and journalist.  21 July, 1899 – 2 July 1961.