If you have had your happy drink, like tequila, margarita, martini, or whatever, please do not attempt to take off your tall, high heel tight boots, and then your jeggings (2 sizes smaller) without a big break in between. You may end up breaking your face.
Let me explain. Recently, I had my two-sizes-too-small-jeggings on, and my tight tall boots, because I didn’t want to look hot, I wanted to look smoking hot. I can imagine myself leaving a trail of smoke. What an incredible sight. :) I am laughing my heart out as I am typing, but it is true.
Not too much time left to wear this kind of outfit, you know, without looking somewhat ridiculous, or getting really hurt trying to put them on or taking them off. Maybe I already look somewhat not so hot, but so what, it is my body and they are my jeggins. As Raylene would say, tick, tock, tick, tock, and the darn clock is ticking faster and faster every second of my life. Meaning to say that in a few years, or maybe next week, I won’t be able to wear the cutest things I do wear now.
Well…One day last week, I came back home from a walkabout looking smoking hot, at least I thought so, and then without thinking too much started the process of taking off the boots. That was one for the books. And I did not have any alcohol in my system. Thinking about it, maybe a shot of tequila would have made the whole process easier. Maybe taking a pair of scissors and cutting the jeggings off would have been easier too.
After the boots are off, I started with the jeggings. I could see that the seams left an impression on my skin, that’s how tight this thing was. The jeggings refused to go down, so here I am forcing them down, and trying to do one leg at the time, what was I thinking? There was no space to insert any maneuver of any kind. This thing was not going down. That’s when I stood up and tried to walk to see if by being up, the process would be easier. Really? I almost fell on my face. That would have been hard to explain to the ambulance people who would have found me in such a precarious situation and position, and a bloody face.
After about 1/2 hour of deep breathing and meditating to keep my heart rate slow, I was able to be released from such a chamber of torture. Am I wearing this pair of jeggings again? You bet!
At least an older woman, like in her late eighties, told me I looked sharp. Lukewarm compliment, but after the process, I took it very gracefully.
So, my dear co-seasoned compatriots, do not wear extremely tight jeggings and tall boots, and drink at the same time. You may end up without a face. I almost did and I only had water.
One more day in my ever eventful life.
“There is a fountain of youth: it is in your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.” Sophia Loren, Italian actress. 20 September, 1934 -.